Autophobia
by RobotMonkeys4Ever
Summary: Oneshot, post season 4.  Nova's thoughts concerning recent events of her life and relationship with Sprx.  Lots of Spova, but meant to be deep rather than fluffy.  Read in the quiet for greatest effect.


**Autophobia**

Had the ceiling changed in the last two hours? No, Nova assured herself, surely it had not. But still she could not stop staring at it. Most certainly it_ must _be different from the ceiling she had been staring at a few brief hours ago. Everything seemed different. The whole world seemed different.

She didn't know quite how to feel. Part of her wanted to jump for joy, but part of her wanted to hide in shame. So instead, she just lay there, telling herself to go to sleep.

She felt Sprx's hot breath on her neck, and was momentarily comforted. They were finally together. They had finally committed to each other. They proved their love.

_"Hey Nova? Can we talk for a minute?"_

Sprx had been flirting with her for as long as she could remember. He'd made crass jokes about her sexually, just trying to get her attention. And of course, she'd reciprocate with a painful physical recourse. Sometimes he would just size her up. Fighting against enemies, often they would find themselves on contact that would otherwise be seen as awkward. Teammates had to be close, after all. Se had clung to Gibson, wrapped her tail around Antauri's, ridden on Otto's shoulders; it was only Sprx who made a big scene of this kind of thing.

_"Oh! Sprx! I was just about to go to bed!"_

This is why she would distance herself from him so often. But still, she would constantly find herself teamed up with him. It seems no matter how much she pushed him away, they still ended up together. He was her curse.

_"Oh, sorry. I'll come back some other time…"_

Yet somehow, she ended up feeling something for him.

_"No Sprx, it's fine, you, uh – you can come in."_

She wasn't sure when it had started. When her despise turned into something completely different. Was it when he tried to keep her from falling into the wormhole? Chiro said he wouldn't do anything else until he had found her. No, certainly it must have been before that. There was a point when his words changed from simple flirting to something genuine. And that's when her feelings changed – when his feelings changed.

_"Nova, this is gonna sound weird, but I just feel like there's something between us that's not right. Something that's not done, not complete, not resolved. Something about the two of us, ya know?"_

Then he went evil. That's when life itself shattered. She felt like things were finally coming together between she and Sprx, and then he was gone. He was taken in by Mandarin. And suddenly, she had no one. The person on whom she was putting most of her trust was gone, and she had no guarantee he would ever return.

_"Sprx, I told you I loved you."_

He threatened her life several times. He used her as a hostage. Could there be anything more terrifying? Her limbs pulled apart and her computer systems near destroyed. All this done by the person she had trusted most. To see ones life flash before ones eyes. Nova saw her life and though memory after memory passed by, she came only to one conclusion – love. And although Gibson begged to differ – she continued to believe it was her love that freed Sprx. After all – can love and hate both occupy the same place?

_"You told me you loved me too much to lose me. But do you love me more than you do Otto? More than Gibson? Antauri? Chiro?"_

In the weeks following that fateful night, Sprx had barely left Nova's side. He sat by her bedside in the med bay, holding her hand and talking to her, reassuring her, encouraging her. He would only leave when Gibson forced him to, noting that Sprx's own health would begin to fail if he didn't get up, eat, and take a walk for a few minutes. But before leaving, Sprx kissed Nova on the cheek and said, "Now don't go anywhere, k?" He left only to return ten minutes earlier than Gibson's deadline, once more refusing to leave. He stayed by her side when she was able to rise and move around, holding her up as she hobbled. Once again, he became the person she could trust, the person she depended on.

_Nova stepped closer to Sprx and laid a hand on his cheek. "Sprx. I love you. More than anyone. More than myself. More than you may ever know."_

And in all this time, Sprx never seemed to want a sexual relationship with her, either. He was sincere and caring, helpful and considerate of her every want and need. Never did he flirt, never was he over the top and dramatic, he was just always there, listening, being Sprx.

_"And I love you, Nova."_

_And red and gold drew together into a deep, heartfelt, unifying kiss…_

Nova sighed as her thoughts caught up with her. Perhaps she had been caught up in a wave of emotion, but it was justified. He loved her and she, him, and their entire lives had been working up to this feeling. This love. But love not just as an emotion, not as a rush of passion, but as a true connection of the souls of two monkeys.

She smiled and gently placed her lips onto Sprx, then stroked his shoulder. He smiled in the midst of his sleep and stirred a little. His eyes flitted open and came to focus on Nova. "Hello, beautiful," he said, picking up his head and kissing her softly.

Nova smiled back and caressed the side of his head. "Shh, you've still got plenty of time to sleep.

"But Nova, if I go back to sleep, I won't be with you anymore."

"You will if you keep me in your dreams."

Sprx gently chuckled and ran a finger over Nova's lips. "And what if I have a bad dream?"

Nova smiled and removed his hand. "Then know I'll be right here when you wake up."

Sprx lay hid head back down and looked as though he was falling asleep once more. But before he drifted off, he opened his eyes one final time.

"Nova?"

"Yea, Sprx?"

"I really _do _love you."

"I know you do."

"G'night."

"Goodnight."

And finally, Nova fell asleep.

* * *

3 


End file.
